dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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