When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life is pants optional.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
