I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
