Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
