Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
