the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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