You work out of a Hotel?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
