I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
