The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
