I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
