I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize