So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
