Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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