This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize