My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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