Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
