Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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