So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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