If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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