we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
