Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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