Barsexuality is the new black.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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