Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
