he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
