Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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