My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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