New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
