Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
