This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
