WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
