Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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