The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
