"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
