Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we made out on top of his cat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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