Sponge bath it is.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize