Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
