So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
