I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
