i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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