so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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