She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
