i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
