im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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