Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
