dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
