I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
