Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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