This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
