I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize