After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
