I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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