i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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