come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
