Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
