Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How external is "for external use only"?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
