1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
