So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
