I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
