I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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