the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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