____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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