That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
