soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
