8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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