ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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