i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
