Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
