just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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