whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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