I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
