Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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