Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
