if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize