I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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