I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
