There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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