My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
