saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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