tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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