Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
