So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
