: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
