Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
