My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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