Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize