Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
