you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
