Little spoons don't ask big questions
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
