i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
