so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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