Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
