dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
