He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
