new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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