Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
