it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
