matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
