I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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