And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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