So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
