You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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