you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
