cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
honey bunches of taint.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
