Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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