So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
