I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
