And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Someone signed my nipple.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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