tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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