Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
