pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
