god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
