Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
