She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
